"Wait. This is that Vanilla Ice song. That Chuck guy already made us listen to that. It's a great song, but we hear he stole those lyrics from a black fraternity. Plagiarism isn't a trait of your culture we find admirable, not to mention the whole race thing..."

"No, Zoltax, this goes dee-dee-dee-diggy-dee-dee dee-dee-dee-diggy-dee-dee. Ice goes dee-dee-dee-digy-dee-dee DEE-dee-dee-dee-diggy-dee-dee. It's totally different."

"I see."

"But it's great, right? And that's even before the guitar lick and the scatting."

"Yeah, nice build up. PRESSURE! I like that. Who's the singer?"

"Two singers. David Bowie and Freddie Mercury."

"We only know what we we read in Rolling Stone, but aren't those guys fascists?"

"Well, David did toy with the imagery and Queen did release this questionable song called 'One Vision,' but do you really take Dave Marsh seriously?"

"His logic in that Jazz review did seem dubious. Not to mention the song he played us."

"Yeah I would have gone with 'Dancing In The Dark' myself. Shorter, funnier. Anyhow, I'm pushing the track, not the artists. We've been talking a lot. I'm gonna start the track over. Focus."

"Man, that is a GREAT intro."

"Dig the lyrics, too. All the sympathy and empathy there. It's the terror of knowing what this world is about. Watching some good friends screaming let me out. Pray tomorrow - gets me higher. The conflict between the interests of the individual and the community is something we haven't totally tackled."

"We noticed."

"Yeah but ok, here's Mercury - check this out."

"Ok, what...ignoring the oddity of what we CAN figure out, what exactly does he say before the verse starts and right after these are the days it never rains but it pours?"

"NOTHING! He's SCATTING! Don't you love that? The guy's in the studio making this big collaborative statement and he throws in a couple bars of operatic gibberish! This song has carefree joy in it too."

"It is a beautiful sound."

"Oh yeah, there's few things in music I find more endearing than a singer playfully revelling in the sound of their own voice. Mercury was the GOD of that."

"The best part of that one Eminem song is when he just starts going neh NEH neh neh nyeh..."

"Wow, Zoltax! I feel the same way! Anyhow, we've set up the scene: misery, anxiety, futility. Turned away from it all like a blind man. Sat on a fence but it don't work."

"But what DOES work?"

"LISTEN! Keep coming up with love but its so slashed & torn. God that line kills me."

"Yeah, it's like the edge of surrender...wait...woah...what the...oh man, that's a build-up!"

"TOTALLY! Bowie drama! Queen drama! INSANITY LAUGHS UNDER PRESSURE WE'RE CRACKING!!!"

"Oh wow, Mercury...oh, that's beautiful..."

"and how he fades out and Bowie fades in..."

"This is giving me chills..."

"Love is the answer! It's really cliche but it's something we've got and something that hasn't died and we might still make things better..."

"Ok, wait but Anthony he's asking a question: why doesn't love work?"

"But then David answers it! Cause love is such an old fashioned word and love dares you to care for the people of the edge of the night"

"Edge of the..."

"Look it was the eighties and it was David Bowie. And love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves."

"Oh shit, I wouldn't have noticed that if you hadn't said it."

"I know. This was my favorite song long before I ever got Hot Space and saw the whole lyric sheet. The musical drama alone has killed me since middle school. By the way, if you don't blow us all up I've got to play you this song called 'Dancer' on the album..."

"Back to the song..."

"Ok, yeah. So they know love is a struggle and the pressure and everything. Through their combined powers they create this gorgeous backdrop, cut out the sanctimony with tossed-off lyrics and the inherent hilarity of Mercury and make the best damn argument for hope and optimism and love and trying to get through this thing we call life. It sounds so uncalculated, so absurd and yet succeeds. It sounds like they fell ass-backwards into the best song ever. If that ain't a vote for optimism about humanity, what is? And at the end."

"dee-dee-dee-diggy-dee-dee."

"This song is so great that a sliver of it grew into something fascinating itself."

"I thought you said they were totally different."

"Whatever. Does it pass? Cuz it's really all I've got."

"Well is it still popular?"

"There was some UK phone poll I read about recently where it was the 10th most popular song in the country."

"It placed? Despite all that Beatles stuff?"

"Beat anything by Radiohead too."

"Ok, The UK is in the clear. But the U.S., what about there?"

"It still gets on the radio, but plagiarism or not we made 'Ice Ice Baby.' Gotta give us that."

"Alright, alright. What about the rest of the world?"

"Queen is huge EVERYWHERE. Africa, Asia, South America, Europe, Australia. EVERYBODY loves Queen. This girl I know in New Zealand is mad about A Kind Of Magic."

"Fine. You win."

"Can I play you guys 'Dancer' now?"  ¶ 11/13/2004