The Freelance Mentalists.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
  In the Coming Year!
Video Games I Want To See in the Coming Year
by John Wójtowicz

Russian sex-traffickers in speedboats with submachine guns off the
coast of Dubai – the classic!

The one where hitherto peaceful fishing vessels open fire on each
other, Iceland and Portugal, for instance.

The role-playing game where the psychopath BDSM overlord makes you do
data entry in a poorly lit cubicle in a windowless room for 13 hours
with breaks only for bathroom and the vending machines for 52 weeks
straight with no vacation.

Inventing & marketing utterly superfluous flavors & products with
names like "Choco Rico" and "Odorific" and "Licorice Guarana Pheromone
Deluxe".

Railroading an election by juggling the votes by rigging the voting
machines by blaming it all on tiny little pieces of paper.

You run a virtual factory on a video screen that produces make-believe
objects just like the real ones they used to make here and they now do
for real in China in filthy factories right this minute round the
clock.

Live online webcam dating where you're required to appear entirely
naked, in your natural hair color, showing your passport, driver's
license or photo ID, credit and employment history, proof of health
insurance, blood test results, SAT scores, MBTI, MMPI, astrological
chart, and Enneagram.

The game where you get to change history by altering the President's
brain chemistry based on the dosage of the various antidepressants,
synthetic opiates, methamphetamines, and commercially available
alcohol you permit him to consume.

Business simulation model where you take your own real-life
professional peer group and alter the parameters of the Tall Proud
Successful Alpha Male and the Fairytale Career-Girl Princess. Watch
the Male fail to perform when you happily hide his Viagra! See the
Princess tweak when she can't go purge in the ladies' room after the
big business dinner!

The game that eliminates all the combat games. The game that
eliminates all combat. The game that levels per-capital income across
the globe as investment bankers dive out of windows.

– j.w., winter solstice 2007

 
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