The Freelance Mentalists.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
 
Top Ten of Most Annoying Things

1. Rammstein: Every time I hear a note of their music, I want to run for cover. Neue Rawk für stumme Leute. Note to the R-lovers: You are obv on drugs or lack a few braincells. I used freedom of speech and good taste when picking this as top offender.

2. Franz Ferdinand: English Scottish art academy fops go Top of the Pops. Sorry, I quit university for a reason. I just don't like fey Academic Pop. I like my music to come from the pelvis shooting bubbles of hormones.

3. Who didn't die this year? From Robert Quine to ODB, every month had a clutch of people leaving us.

4. Chique Trash Chixor, Paris Hilton, covers David Bowie's Fame. That's so not hot. Vanilla Ice come BACK! We forgive you! Stick with what you do best, namely skeleton porn.

5. Reunions vs Breakups: What was the worst? Guided by Voices breaking up or Duran Duran producing a record to cure insomnia? After a lengthy tour throughout the US - did Pollard consciously forget about me and the other European fans - Guided by Voices breaks up in a million solo projects. There won't be any teenage suicides, but we'll still be hugging our Sandbox.

6. Dimebag Darrell gets killed on stage. I was never much of a Pantera fan, but WTF is up with shooting your hero because you can't get over the breakup of Darrell's band?

7. MTV has forgotten about the M. The last time I watched MTV, I had to wait half an hour to see Blue. I am not interested in Real Life part 51237 nor how many badrooms Hillary Duff has in her cabana. I want music. Now. Oh, I have an iPOD. YAY.

8. Wiley rules. The crowd disagrees.

9. Ashlee Simpson's humpty dumbadee dance. Who cares if she lipsynchs? Give the punkafied popstar a break, she has reflux. More importantly: if she's a former ballet dancer, who was her teacher? Shoot the man in the kneecaps.

10. I hate top tens.
 
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